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pheonixtwv:

Russell Howard was awesome last night! & congratulations to his sister Kerry who gave birth to a boy named Wesley James Vick!

OMG RUSSELL HOWARD’S SISTER HAS JUST GIVEN BIRTH!

20-something-fangirl:

Congratulations Kerry! It’s a boy named Wesley James Vick :D
Russell will be the best damn uncle ever!!!
Congratulations to the Howards & Vicks!

pheonixtwv:

Russell Howard was awesome last night! & congratulations to his sister Kerry who gave birth to a boy named Wesley James Vick!

pheonixtwv:

Russell Howard was awesome last night! & congratulations to his sister Kerry who gave birth to a boy named Wesley James Vick!

buttlightyear:

i’m going to see russell howard today with a friend and i’m so fucking excited 

l1feisl1fe:

I went to see Russell Howard last night and got the honour of singing Happy Birthday to his sister’s newborn baby with the crowd ☺️

comedy-cookie:

One of the best nights of my life seeing Russell Howard at the Royal Albert Hall last night. He phoned up his sister who had just had a baby boy that night and he got everyone to sing happy birthday to him. Can’t wait for the DVD! :)

"My mum was unbelievable. ‘Here, Russ, never lick your fingers and wiggle them near a plug socket.’ Cheers, mum, I was gonna finger the wall."
— Russell Howard (Right Here, Right Now)
"

I’ve written a list of things that cheer you up and you don’t quite know why. I call it Russell’s List of Joy. And it goes thusly.

-Hearing someone jump into a swimming pool that was colder than thought it was gonna be.
-The noise old women make when you put a plate of food in front of them. ‘Ooh…’
-Watching a pigeon drag an enormous slice of pizza with that look in their eyes. ‘Maureen is gonna bloody love this.’
-Watching a Goth laugh. They’re caught between two worlds: ‘I LOVE SATAN, but Darren slipped on a cake…’
-Stationary! It doesn’t matter how old you get, if you get a new notepad, in the first page of that notepad I will do the neatest handwriting I have. I will write in this pad like I’m twelve years old again. Five pages later, JUST MAKE MY PEN WORK, YOU PADDY SLAG!
-Watching a dog near a fan go ‘Why are my ears moving?’
-A baby’s face when they’re eating an orange. It’s the first time you ever see a human brain go ‘WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS?’
-Using the phrase ‘That’s what she said’ in inappropriate situations.
-The matter how old you get, if someone hands you a tennis racket, it’s a guitar.
-Watching a woman trying apply make-up on a shaky train.

"
— Russell Howard (Right Here, Right Now)
"

This incident is what put me off self-touching for a few years. So our story begins. I was fourteen and I was masturbating in front of the television. There’s probably some fourteen year old boy in the audience going ‘I don’t know what he’s speaking about mother. Who is this nincompoop? I don’t even own a penis.’

So I was in front of the television. I was about halfway through the the process, when there came a knock at the window… I look and there is a man. In my garden. Looking at me. Smiling. Now I don’t know how you do it, but for me, it is NOT a spectator sport. And this really creeped me out, do you know why? Because this bloke winked at me…and then disappeared. I mean, he left the garden. He didn’t WOOSH. ‘That is one pervy fucking wizard… HOGWARTS! I’D LIKE TO MAKE A COMPLAINT!’

"
— Russell Howard (Right Here, Right Now)
zombiegummybears98:

Mock the week

zombiegummybears98:

Mock the week

  • Russell: [Boris Johnson] is the Mayor of London simply because he was popular on a panel show. Frankie, you're gonna be PM.
  • [Crowd applauds]
  • Frankie: Don't applaud. You have some very tough years ahead of you.
infamous-siren:

"My Dad was brilliant, he used to play pranks but they were a bit too harsh.." http://youtu.be/RV1hgt8kIas 

infamous-siren:

"My Dad was brilliant, he used to play pranks but they were a bit too harsh.." http://youtu.be/RV1hgt8kIas 

scatteringstarslikesprinkles:

Russell Howard is a national treasure

russellhowardmemes:

Here comes the rain again.

russellhowardmemes:

Here comes the rain again.

kitty-sphynx:

I may be dyslexic but that doesn’t mean I dont vole you

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